Worn out and wistful

I never thought I'd say it, but I miss my life from before I left the Goldfish bowl. I miss the simplicity of life with Tallboy. I miss having a live-in partner, miss cooking together, miss knowing where I'm sleeping most nights. Even when things were at their oddest, when I was living with T, and popping round the corner most mornings to have breakfasts with NiceGuy, dealing with the pain of a breakup and the loneliness of being out there without my friends was easier, I think, than my life as it is now. Not working particularly hard for a living, not paying for housing, not worrying about the bills, and about housemates having disappeared off with rent, or about neglecting my friends, or about the fact that my income isn't guaranteed month-to-month. I miss that. Having someone not three hours away, like Miss Sunshine, not an hour away, like Mountain, not even half an hour away, as NG is now, but around the corner, or in the room next door. I miss that like crazy.

I miss having the time to spend in play, too. Staying with NG for a month back in May/June was probably a bad idea - it set a pace that was impossible to continue with both of us working, and having extra people in my life seems to only make it less rather than more easy to find play time. Somehow with working, even part time hours, and commuting into work, and meals, and travel between houses, not to mention the stress of NG having just moved into his new house, and my supposedly helping him with that (and failing spectacularly to achieve anything). With all that there's been little or no time for fun, and little or no energy when we've had the time. I'm frustrated as hell, and nothing I can do about it, especially for the next two days.

Bugger.