I am still alive! (Also Freedom & Responsibility Part II )

Apologies for the long silence. Not really an excuse for it except that I have had a glorious holiday, and simply felt far too fluffy to really have anything useful to say. I have a draft entry saved that I will post retroactively over the next couple of days that talks about the few days before I got to the Goldfish Bowl (my all girl weekend, an encounter with Cad, and meeting a well known Fetish Diva).
Also for the last week I have been so wiped out by an infection and being back where I have to do dreadful mundane things like work, that I have slept for about half the week. I reluctantly turned down an offer of company from Cad, simply because I was too knackered to cope with it, and how very rarely I say no to pleasure.

My time in the Goldfish Bowl is best described as a month away from the world. A month in the presence of Nice Guy, sure we had a couple of arguments (at least partly about my lack of tact - i admit freely that I tend to read better on paper!) but the rest of it, touring the area, enjoying the weather, celebrating his birthday, and attending a ball together, sun, sea, sand and I might have to admit it... a lot of sex - a month of unrepentant bliss.
Getting to see T again was a bonus. We are still working on separating our belongings and finances (at least legally - joint mortgages are a pain), and things still feel a little... odd, at least at my end, but it was good to see him, and to know that we still have *something*, even if what we are to each other has changed. Still friends, and still 'fuck-buddies', even if a long way apart. I am positive about going back to stay with him on a friendly basis at some point, and I do wonder if I hadn't been out there staying with NG, whether we'd have actually got to that state.

Anyway, back in the real world, getting back to the City things start falling back to earth, and I realise that floating on my fluffy cloud for the past month, all of the issues that Nice Guy and I intended to talk about when I got there didn't apply, and had simply fallen by the wayside. Being back where there is daily temptation though, we are hard at work again dealing with things as and when they hit us. Staying up til silly times in the morning to talk through feelings when nerves are hit and mistakes are made (of course, by me).

Yesterday I headed round to Mountain's for lunch, and to present him with a belated birthday gift, and discovered over the course of lunch that he and his Significant Other were no longer an item. He is unexpectedly available for play for the first time since we met. Sudden quandary - I am supposed to be a single person. I made this promise to myself for the year. However, love is as it is, and I know that NG was upset by finding out at the last minute the last time I played with someone I hadn't before. I care, and so when he is upset, I feel it too. So... a couple of badly thought out texts and an apologetic phone conversation later, I compromise with myself on his behalf - I am not going to *not* play with Mountain, but I have waited four months, I can wait a little longer and give fair warning. So, reluctantly and frustratingly, I demonstrated willpower, and returned home to talk to NG instead. Things are... not entirely rosy, not entirely worked out, not completely happy, but I am optimistic again.
I have another date with Mountain on wednesday before he goes to Sweden (alas, I was invited, but I already am going to Optimus's graduation ceremony, and Lawyer's birthday treat, both on the same weekend, and plus can't really afford the time away). I anticipate it to be a lot of fun, especially having been Out of Bounds for so long.

Dinner with Duchess tonight, who is once again a part of a monogamous couple and off-limits for play, which is frustrating, but I still very much enjoy her company, so I will be behaving myself. Damn those ethics.
And right now, sleep, because the sun is rising and I have been up all night, first talking and then blogging about relationships. Must do the work thing at some point... Thank heavens for flexible working!

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