Feeling sick, but better
---
I wanted so much to call you last night. I got back from the doctor and collapsed on the floor, and after that it was all I could manage to drag myself into bed, left my food shopping by the door where I came in and spent the next two hours before falling properly asleep in a state somewhere between dreaming and waking, and somewhere in the confusion almost forgot about the space between us, and picked up my phone to dial before I remembered I wasn't supposed to.
It was such an odd feeling... like that night after the all-you-can-eat-sushi, I was hallucinating odd pictures and patterns every time I closed my eyes, maybe because I couldn't breathe properly, and I wanted to share that with you because it wouldn't mean anything to anyone else, and I needed a hug so badly.
---
Still struggling with not having friend-contact with Mountain. It's especially hard at the moment because I'm stuck at home alone with a throat and chest infection that came on rather suddenly, and there's nobody else to reach out to. Nice Guy is in the states on business, Duchess is busy, and everybody else is too far from the City to pester for cuddles or tea.
It's really bad timing to be sick this weekend, too. I was supposed to be out last night doing some flyering work in a club, which was my first job with the company, and had to call that off. Tomorrow I'm supposed to be meeting up with Tallboy, who I've not seen for roughly a year and is over visiting from the Goldfish Bowl for just the one week. I'm really hoping I'm well enough to go and see the play that he booked for.
I am looking forward to Thursday, at least, since Scaredycat is coming to visit, and we're going to have sofa and icecream and hugs.
He pinged me on my instant messenger the other day to say that he and his girlfriend broke up, and I felt a little guilty, because on some level I think I was rather waiting for it to happen. I've known for a while that all hasn't been peachy, and he's not been happy in the relationship for quite some time, but I've also known how much he cared about his girlfriend, Dancer, and didn't want to end it, so he's been in a hard position for a long time now. I've been hurting for him without really being able to do anything to help.
It did make me feel good though, knowing that when crunch time came, it was me that he turned to for support. Being able to be there for my friends when they need me, and being the sort of person that my friends can turn to in times of trouble, even when I'm not on top form myself means a lot to me.
I just hope I'm not contagious by the time Thursday gets here!
(To S: - I got your message, and to be honest, I was grateful that you *did* turn to me when I felt awful, because helping you made me feel so much better about myself. I don't think anything else would have done me as much good, so thankyou.)
It seems the time of year for break-ups. After meeting briefly with Mountain on Friday, to pick up some clothing of mine that he still had, I went to CCK to commune with Miss Matrix, and a friend of hers who has also just lost her significant other. There was tea, sympathy and cuddles, and plans for a 'girls night in' somewhere in the near future, with plenty of icecream included.
So my life at the moment is not so much sex, tea and bacon sandwiches at the moment, as icecream, tea and sympathy. Still, apart from the illness, I am feeling better in general. Things are looking up on the job front, although still a bit vague - the company I'm likely to be working for is having their annual busy period, and no chance to discuss my role until after it's over, but have at least managed to confirm that there's some room in the budget for me. I should be looking at a flat I can afford next week, too, which will get me out of NG's hair - as much as he's been looking after me lately, I still need a space that's *mine* and apart from 'my' tree-house in the back garden, his home is not that. I've made some progress in sorting out my head a bit, as well, but I think I will leave talking about that for another day.
All the best,
Red.
x
I wanted so much to call you last night. I got back from the doctor and collapsed on the floor, and after that it was all I could manage to drag myself into bed, left my food shopping by the door where I came in and spent the next two hours before falling properly asleep in a state somewhere between dreaming and waking, and somewhere in the confusion almost forgot about the space between us, and picked up my phone to dial before I remembered I wasn't supposed to.
It was such an odd feeling... like that night after the all-you-can-eat-sushi, I was hallucinating odd pictures and patterns every time I closed my eyes, maybe because I couldn't breathe properly, and I wanted to share that with you because it wouldn't mean anything to anyone else, and I needed a hug so badly.
---
Still struggling with not having friend-contact with Mountain. It's especially hard at the moment because I'm stuck at home alone with a throat and chest infection that came on rather suddenly, and there's nobody else to reach out to. Nice Guy is in the states on business, Duchess is busy, and everybody else is too far from the City to pester for cuddles or tea.
It's really bad timing to be sick this weekend, too. I was supposed to be out last night doing some flyering work in a club, which was my first job with the company, and had to call that off. Tomorrow I'm supposed to be meeting up with Tallboy, who I've not seen for roughly a year and is over visiting from the Goldfish Bowl for just the one week. I'm really hoping I'm well enough to go and see the play that he booked for.
I am looking forward to Thursday, at least, since Scaredycat is coming to visit, and we're going to have sofa and icecream and hugs.
He pinged me on my instant messenger the other day to say that he and his girlfriend broke up, and I felt a little guilty, because on some level I think I was rather waiting for it to happen. I've known for a while that all hasn't been peachy, and he's not been happy in the relationship for quite some time, but I've also known how much he cared about his girlfriend, Dancer, and didn't want to end it, so he's been in a hard position for a long time now. I've been hurting for him without really being able to do anything to help.
It did make me feel good though, knowing that when crunch time came, it was me that he turned to for support. Being able to be there for my friends when they need me, and being the sort of person that my friends can turn to in times of trouble, even when I'm not on top form myself means a lot to me.
I just hope I'm not contagious by the time Thursday gets here!
(To S: - I got your message, and to be honest, I was grateful that you *did* turn to me when I felt awful, because helping you made me feel so much better about myself. I don't think anything else would have done me as much good, so thankyou.)
It seems the time of year for break-ups. After meeting briefly with Mountain on Friday, to pick up some clothing of mine that he still had, I went to CCK to commune with Miss Matrix, and a friend of hers who has also just lost her significant other. There was tea, sympathy and cuddles, and plans for a 'girls night in' somewhere in the near future, with plenty of icecream included.
So my life at the moment is not so much sex, tea and bacon sandwiches at the moment, as icecream, tea and sympathy. Still, apart from the illness, I am feeling better in general. Things are looking up on the job front, although still a bit vague - the company I'm likely to be working for is having their annual busy period, and no chance to discuss my role until after it's over, but have at least managed to confirm that there's some room in the budget for me. I should be looking at a flat I can afford next week, too, which will get me out of NG's hair - as much as he's been looking after me lately, I still need a space that's *mine* and apart from 'my' tree-house in the back garden, his home is not that. I've made some progress in sorting out my head a bit, as well, but I think I will leave talking about that for another day.
All the best,
Red.
x
posted by Miss Scarlet at 12:02 pm
1 Comments:
Thanks. Just thanks.
:o)
Scaredycat
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