A Letter to Malekind
This is a rant I've been meaning to write for some time now. Yes, it applies to current partners, and ex partners, and occasional playmates, and all of the men I've ever been involved with, with of course the one notable exception. Sorry Guys, hope the truth doesn't bite too hard.
Dear Men,
I would like to remind you that your penis is not the most important part of your anatomy when it comes to pleasing a woman. Yes, I know that you'll have heard this before. We are supposedly the sexually educated generation. You know where the clitoris is and how to use it. You've not only heard and understood the word 'cunnilingus' but you've read in books and mens magazines at least a hundred tips on how to improve on it. You know that the best tool for reaching the g-spot is your fingertips. You've flipped through the illustrated Kama Sutra, or at least the GQ or Loaded version of it, and though you chuckled in disbelief at some of the more gymnastic positions you feel you have it pretty well covered. It's all there, in textbook format, in your little skulls. You feel you can rest easy in the assurance that you know how to satisfy a woman.
I've got to tell you, something's still missing.
Without being indiscriminate, I've managed to have a fair few partners in my time, enough to have an informed opinion on this topic. While I love men dearly, I've got to say I've only had one male lover that actually managed to leave me satisfied on a consistent basis. (In case any of you reading this are about to come to the wrong conclusions - i.e. that it might be *you*, I have spoken to him and told him so in the past week)
Guys, this is pretty disappointing. I am not a hard girl to please. Unlike many women, I do not have trouble achieving orgasm. A little foreplay and I'm panting, a tickle in the right place and I'm coming, and an extra fingers worth of pressure on *that* spot and I've practically lost consciousness. Hell, I've come from just being *talked to* the right way. Honestly, just five minutes worth of effort a day and I'm a happy girl. So how exactly is it that in my roughly 12 years of sexual experience with guys, I have met only one man that could be bothered with that?
Five minutes a day? Most of you spend longer than that on one bathroom break.
I do believe that loving someone occasionally means putting yourself out for them. Sometimes doing things that you might not be in the mood for, knowing that it will make your lover happy, because love means giving as well as taking. In this specific context I am talking about putting out for your lover when they're horny and you're not.
I'm not saying you need to pretend to be anything you're not, or do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, but say you're just not in the mood, you're not tired, you're not sick, you just don't feel like playing but your partner does - okay, so nothing in the world is going to help you get an erection if you're really not horny, but you have hands, you have a mouth, you probably have a toy or two to fall back on if you want a helping hand, too. Why not use them?
Sure, I preach what I practise - Even with a sex drive as high as mine, I've had occasions when I just didn't feel like it and my partner did. A couple of my Significant Others, for example, have been what you might call 'early risers', and I am just not a morning person, but I enjoyed the opportunity to be generous without the distraction of my own bits crying out for attention.
Having mentioned erections... I adore mutual pleasure. Simultaneous orgasm is my favourite thing in the world, and with guys I well know that's usually the end of sex, so why not make sure that it is, in fact, the climax? By this I mean, you've heard all the shebang about foreplay being important for a woman to be properly satisfied, about making sure she's properly turned on, preferably even orgasmic *before* penetration. You can repeat it like a mantra, knowing that it makes you appear clued up, sensitive and sexy. I can suggest a better use for this information. Use it.
Not just once (presumably just to prove you can). Every day.
And say you're in the middle of sex, or foreplay, and you come up against the horrifying, but inevitable experience of not being able to get it up, for heaven's sake man, you have other options - instead of being led by your smaller brain that's telling you it's time to curl up and hide, try thinking of someone else for a change and use your other available body parts. Who knows, while your mind is busy elsewhere, you may even come back online. At worst you have one satisfied lover, instead of a frustrated, lip-biting, trying-to-be-understanding one, at best you have a chance to turn the whole situation around and make it a session to remember.
I've been around a few years, I've been in the situation a few times, and sure I've been understanding, I've been nice. Even on the one particularly memorable occasion when I was left rather uncomfortably tied to a wooden frame and ignored for a good half hour while a pair of confidence crises played themselves out. I know it's not always easy when your body's doing things you didn't expect, but boy was it appreciated when One man (yes, *that* one), just one that I've met actually acted on that advice.
Boys, you talk the talk, what do we have to do to get you to walk the walk?
Remember, Guys: Your hands, not your cocks, are the best tools to make your girl happy. You've heard it, you can repeat it at will, now act on it, damn you.
With love and exasperation,
Red.
Dear Men,
I would like to remind you that your penis is not the most important part of your anatomy when it comes to pleasing a woman. Yes, I know that you'll have heard this before. We are supposedly the sexually educated generation. You know where the clitoris is and how to use it. You've not only heard and understood the word 'cunnilingus' but you've read in books and mens magazines at least a hundred tips on how to improve on it. You know that the best tool for reaching the g-spot is your fingertips. You've flipped through the illustrated Kama Sutra, or at least the GQ or Loaded version of it, and though you chuckled in disbelief at some of the more gymnastic positions you feel you have it pretty well covered. It's all there, in textbook format, in your little skulls. You feel you can rest easy in the assurance that you know how to satisfy a woman.
I've got to tell you, something's still missing.
Without being indiscriminate, I've managed to have a fair few partners in my time, enough to have an informed opinion on this topic. While I love men dearly, I've got to say I've only had one male lover that actually managed to leave me satisfied on a consistent basis. (In case any of you reading this are about to come to the wrong conclusions - i.e. that it might be *you*, I have spoken to him and told him so in the past week)
Guys, this is pretty disappointing. I am not a hard girl to please. Unlike many women, I do not have trouble achieving orgasm. A little foreplay and I'm panting, a tickle in the right place and I'm coming, and an extra fingers worth of pressure on *that* spot and I've practically lost consciousness. Hell, I've come from just being *talked to* the right way. Honestly, just five minutes worth of effort a day and I'm a happy girl. So how exactly is it that in my roughly 12 years of sexual experience with guys, I have met only one man that could be bothered with that?
Five minutes a day? Most of you spend longer than that on one bathroom break.
I do believe that loving someone occasionally means putting yourself out for them. Sometimes doing things that you might not be in the mood for, knowing that it will make your lover happy, because love means giving as well as taking. In this specific context I am talking about putting out for your lover when they're horny and you're not.
I'm not saying you need to pretend to be anything you're not, or do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, but say you're just not in the mood, you're not tired, you're not sick, you just don't feel like playing but your partner does - okay, so nothing in the world is going to help you get an erection if you're really not horny, but you have hands, you have a mouth, you probably have a toy or two to fall back on if you want a helping hand, too. Why not use them?
Sure, I preach what I practise - Even with a sex drive as high as mine, I've had occasions when I just didn't feel like it and my partner did. A couple of my Significant Others, for example, have been what you might call 'early risers', and I am just not a morning person, but I enjoyed the opportunity to be generous without the distraction of my own bits crying out for attention.
Having mentioned erections... I adore mutual pleasure. Simultaneous orgasm is my favourite thing in the world, and with guys I well know that's usually the end of sex, so why not make sure that it is, in fact, the climax? By this I mean, you've heard all the shebang about foreplay being important for a woman to be properly satisfied, about making sure she's properly turned on, preferably even orgasmic *before* penetration. You can repeat it like a mantra, knowing that it makes you appear clued up, sensitive and sexy. I can suggest a better use for this information. Use it.
Not just once (presumably just to prove you can). Every day.
And say you're in the middle of sex, or foreplay, and you come up against the horrifying, but inevitable experience of not being able to get it up, for heaven's sake man, you have other options - instead of being led by your smaller brain that's telling you it's time to curl up and hide, try thinking of someone else for a change and use your other available body parts. Who knows, while your mind is busy elsewhere, you may even come back online. At worst you have one satisfied lover, instead of a frustrated, lip-biting, trying-to-be-understanding one, at best you have a chance to turn the whole situation around and make it a session to remember.
I've been around a few years, I've been in the situation a few times, and sure I've been understanding, I've been nice. Even on the one particularly memorable occasion when I was left rather uncomfortably tied to a wooden frame and ignored for a good half hour while a pair of confidence crises played themselves out. I know it's not always easy when your body's doing things you didn't expect, but boy was it appreciated when One man (yes, *that* one), just one that I've met actually acted on that advice.
Boys, you talk the talk, what do we have to do to get you to walk the walk?
Remember, Guys: Your hands, not your cocks, are the best tools to make your girl happy. You've heard it, you can repeat it at will, now act on it, damn you.
With love and exasperation,
Red.
posted by Miss Scarlet at 6:55 am
2 Comments:
I would like to remind you that your penis is not the most important part of your anatomy when it comes to pleasing a woman.
gosh, and there was me thinking that the ending was going to be, "nope, it's your *brain*!"
Well... I came within millimeters of going for that one, but in this context I'm talking about tools, and while it's the brain that's in charge, that's the most effective physical tool I know of. To my mind, the sexiest brain is one that remembers that, and uses it occasionally!
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