Willpower? Who's He?
In which there is further rampantness and wistfulness, and failure to get things done.
Managed to take *some* positive steps towards sorting out things around the house today - still a long way to go, though. I've been distracting myself to avoid dealing with things I don't really want to, and I find I'm showing signs of addictive behaviour.
Nice Guy has had almost no time to himself lately - I have had very little chance of social contact lately with anyone else, but I am a little disgusted at myself having been following him around like a puppy.
Isn't it always ones own faults that are most annoying in other people? By golly I hate needy girls. Space needed, definitely. It is just the fact that I am leaving in four weeks time that has let me excuse it to myself for this long. Still want to make the most of it, but I think there *is* such a thing as too much of a good thing.
So this evening, the plan was to give NG a night off and get on with things at home. It actually did go well, until a bit later on, when I'd spent a few hours throwing junk out, and had a late dinner, and felt like socialising a bit - so I text to see what he's up to, and end up inviting myself over for a cup of tea. He is kicking himself when I get there, because he wanted some alone time, and couldn't say no to me, and I am kicking myself for not staying at home and working, as I know I am busy tomorrow.
It came so close to actually being just a cup of tea, too, but there is just so much chemistry at the moment that willpower on both sides crumbled and I ended up not leaving until after 1am. Damn. Fantastic, wonderful evening, but once again no work done - I am useless for most things after sex.
The willpower thing is hard - At least if I make a promise to someone else then I do stick to it. It's promises to me that are harder, my sense of responsibility doesn't always extend to looking after myself. Pleasure now is so much easier to justify to myself than denial now and pleasure later. Just another thing to work on.
That's not to say I will stop asking for things I want - makes a whole lot more sense than feeling resentful because people fail to read my mind and offer, and I always take no for an answer, however disappointed I may be. I just need to work on wanting things that are actually healthy for me.
As wonderful as impromptu late night orgasm-fests might be, I suspect that getting some work done and my packing started would have done me more good.
Damn, I hate being a grown-up.
There will be tea in the morning, and then tomorrow evening will *definitely* be alone time - I need to find my vibrator, for one thing - poor Alice is buried somewhere in the horror that is my room. Otherwise, I think I may just go insane over Christmas week. NG will have his ex staying, so there will be nothing from that quarter, I am not really sleeping with T these days, and I swore to avoid anyone new until I leave the Goldfish Bowl.
I know a week sounds pretty small, but I have barely gone four days without sex in a number of years, and had a fairly nasty accident the last time, through sheer distraction. So I am perhaps a little phobic about it, based on that experience.
Ah well, I am a rational being (most of the time), and I know that lack of sex will not suddenly cause the world to end, however much I personally may feel like destroying it. There may be many new additions to my fantasy blog at the end of the week though. All that libido has got to go somewhere!
Repeat after me,
"There is more to life than sex,"
"There is more to life than sex,"
"There is more to life than sex,"
"There is more to life than sex,"
"There is more to life than sex,"
A mantra for the coming weeks, I think.
Managed to take *some* positive steps towards sorting out things around the house today - still a long way to go, though. I've been distracting myself to avoid dealing with things I don't really want to, and I find I'm showing signs of addictive behaviour.
Nice Guy has had almost no time to himself lately - I have had very little chance of social contact lately with anyone else, but I am a little disgusted at myself having been following him around like a puppy.
Isn't it always ones own faults that are most annoying in other people? By golly I hate needy girls. Space needed, definitely. It is just the fact that I am leaving in four weeks time that has let me excuse it to myself for this long. Still want to make the most of it, but I think there *is* such a thing as too much of a good thing.
So this evening, the plan was to give NG a night off and get on with things at home. It actually did go well, until a bit later on, when I'd spent a few hours throwing junk out, and had a late dinner, and felt like socialising a bit - so I text to see what he's up to, and end up inviting myself over for a cup of tea. He is kicking himself when I get there, because he wanted some alone time, and couldn't say no to me, and I am kicking myself for not staying at home and working, as I know I am busy tomorrow.
It came so close to actually being just a cup of tea, too, but there is just so much chemistry at the moment that willpower on both sides crumbled and I ended up not leaving until after 1am. Damn. Fantastic, wonderful evening, but once again no work done - I am useless for most things after sex.
The willpower thing is hard - At least if I make a promise to someone else then I do stick to it. It's promises to me that are harder, my sense of responsibility doesn't always extend to looking after myself. Pleasure now is so much easier to justify to myself than denial now and pleasure later. Just another thing to work on.
That's not to say I will stop asking for things I want - makes a whole lot more sense than feeling resentful because people fail to read my mind and offer, and I always take no for an answer, however disappointed I may be. I just need to work on wanting things that are actually healthy for me.
As wonderful as impromptu late night orgasm-fests might be, I suspect that getting some work done and my packing started would have done me more good.
Damn, I hate being a grown-up.
There will be tea in the morning, and then tomorrow evening will *definitely* be alone time - I need to find my vibrator, for one thing - poor Alice is buried somewhere in the horror that is my room. Otherwise, I think I may just go insane over Christmas week. NG will have his ex staying, so there will be nothing from that quarter, I am not really sleeping with T these days, and I swore to avoid anyone new until I leave the Goldfish Bowl.
I know a week sounds pretty small, but I have barely gone four days without sex in a number of years, and had a fairly nasty accident the last time, through sheer distraction. So I am perhaps a little phobic about it, based on that experience.
Ah well, I am a rational being (most of the time), and I know that lack of sex will not suddenly cause the world to end, however much I personally may feel like destroying it. There may be many new additions to my fantasy blog at the end of the week though. All that libido has got to go somewhere!
Repeat after me,
"There is more to life than sex,"
"There is more to life than sex,"
"There is more to life than sex,"
"There is more to life than sex,"
"There is more to life than sex,"
A mantra for the coming weeks, I think.
posted by Miss Scarlet at 1:19 am
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