Home is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.
In which there is loneliness, and wistful sighs.
One of the troubles with openness and honesty, is that I felt I ought to mention the existence of my blog to those people who have featured in it. The down-side of this is that it does make it harder to muse about things in the abstract, or to be totally open about things, because I know that what I write will be read by the people involved.
My online journal is no longer a passive record, but an active participant in some of my relationships, and I am aware that at least one of the people I care deeply about is uncomfortable around me because of it - because even though I am anonymous to the rest of the world, there are other members of our close-knit social group that read this log. It does make for some complicated issues around privacy.
I do wish everyone would talk to me though - if I *know* there are issues, it is a whole lot easier to do something about them! (That goes for all of you!) I don't bite. Well, not hard, anyway.
I have been back home with my family for a couple of days. It has been lovely, but I remember why I can't live with them. Same goes for my ex, C, who I visited yesterday, which reminded me both of why I was with him for so long, and why he is my ex.
He has offered me a room to rent at knockdown rates for when I am back in the UK, which is fairly kind of him, but I think it is a last resort shortly before moving in with my family, as they both live in the same small town that I was so desperate to get out of before, and I don't really want to end up there again. I feel like a city girl, at heart, so I am going to give that a proper try first, before I settle for anything else.
I have been feeling a bit lonely since I have been back. Nice Guy has been in contact a lot, via text, phone and email, and it has been much appreciated. I realise I am getting quite attached. Leaving again in January, once I have gone back after this trip, I think will be very hard. T on the other hand hasn't been in touch at all. He never really was one for communication of any sort, though. I miss him, but it is perhaps a case of out of sight, out of mind. Since I have been away, and not seeing him standing there in front of me every day, I am missing him more in the abstract than the specific.
Not to have someone there to hug when I need it, I think that will be the hardest thing to get used to.
Seeing my lovely friend, Lawyer today, which should be fabulous, and we will be very camp together, and I am debating with myself whether I should go and stay at C's house tonight. Sharing a bed would be lovely, I must admit, but I don't know if I want to cut my time with Lawyer short. Me? Turning down sex for a platonic evening with a gay man? Well, possibly... Maybe I am getting old.
One of the troubles with openness and honesty, is that I felt I ought to mention the existence of my blog to those people who have featured in it. The down-side of this is that it does make it harder to muse about things in the abstract, or to be totally open about things, because I know that what I write will be read by the people involved.
My online journal is no longer a passive record, but an active participant in some of my relationships, and I am aware that at least one of the people I care deeply about is uncomfortable around me because of it - because even though I am anonymous to the rest of the world, there are other members of our close-knit social group that read this log. It does make for some complicated issues around privacy.
I do wish everyone would talk to me though - if I *know* there are issues, it is a whole lot easier to do something about them! (That goes for all of you!) I don't bite. Well, not hard, anyway.
I have been back home with my family for a couple of days. It has been lovely, but I remember why I can't live with them. Same goes for my ex, C, who I visited yesterday, which reminded me both of why I was with him for so long, and why he is my ex.
He has offered me a room to rent at knockdown rates for when I am back in the UK, which is fairly kind of him, but I think it is a last resort shortly before moving in with my family, as they both live in the same small town that I was so desperate to get out of before, and I don't really want to end up there again. I feel like a city girl, at heart, so I am going to give that a proper try first, before I settle for anything else.
I have been feeling a bit lonely since I have been back. Nice Guy has been in contact a lot, via text, phone and email, and it has been much appreciated. I realise I am getting quite attached. Leaving again in January, once I have gone back after this trip, I think will be very hard. T on the other hand hasn't been in touch at all. He never really was one for communication of any sort, though. I miss him, but it is perhaps a case of out of sight, out of mind. Since I have been away, and not seeing him standing there in front of me every day, I am missing him more in the abstract than the specific.
Not to have someone there to hug when I need it, I think that will be the hardest thing to get used to.
Seeing my lovely friend, Lawyer today, which should be fabulous, and we will be very camp together, and I am debating with myself whether I should go and stay at C's house tonight. Sharing a bed would be lovely, I must admit, but I don't know if I want to cut my time with Lawyer short. Me? Turning down sex for a platonic evening with a gay man? Well, possibly... Maybe I am getting old.
posted by Miss Scarlet at 11:26 am
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