Last minute miracle?
Goodness, it has been a strange week.
I did indeed see Nice Guy again, and temptation was tougher than ever, so having got back from his house, I realised I needed to remove myself from the area or spiral into destructive behaviour - I packed up my things, charged my phone and drove until I was too sleepy to drive any farther, slept in the car for a while and then carried on driving until I was about as far as I could get away without a plane flight being involved.
I was out of my car barely thirty seconds when a rather friendly local chap stopped to ask if I needed directions, and when I said I was looking for coffee he said he would take me a place he knew and he was buying - well, that ended up turning into a fantastic fish dinner and a glorious afternoon on the beach, and some no strings fun as well.
After that, I decided to shift slightly closer to home. I landed in another town and amazingly quickly was offered drinks by another friendly guy - a student. Had a fantastic couple of hours with him, but I got a bit annoyed when he almost refused to let me leave, so I ended up storming off in a bit of a bad temper, and then struggling to find where I had parked the car as he had led me so far out of the parts of town I knew.
Then I had been wandering around for a few minutes, heading vaguely in the right direction, but not sure where I was, when I ran across an older gentleman, who nodded and smiled at me, and then doubled back to ask if I needed help, after another accepted invitation for coffee, I ended up talking to him until late and when he offered me a bed at his house for the night I accepted (hell, the guy was in his sixties and quite frail, I am sure he was in much more danger from me than vice versa). Left at around 6:30am, after breakfast and tea very kindly provided.
I suppose these things ought to make me feel better about the human race, except they all very clearly wanted sex, even the elderly gent, although he was far too much of a gentleman to push anything unwanted - yes, I know, I am polyamorous and open-minded, and I love sex, and I am of course going to find it flattering that people are interested in me, but I do wonder - is there no such thing as an altruistic act?
Anyway, I came home for that appointment, and having nowhere else really to go, I came back to the house to discuss the breakup with T, and things got a bit heated. I guess I got frustrated at him, and I pushed at things that I wouldn't usually, and asked him to tell me again why this particular guy was so off limits as compared to anyone else, and actually got a new answer - that T was upset because I was 'taking away his friends' - that he felt uncomfortable around other people I was seeing, and therefore when I was seeing someone he liked he felt I was threatening his social life.
I don't usually make any kind of you-statements in arguments if I can help it, feeling that each person is responsible for their own behaviour, and you can only change from the inside, but I listened to this, and then asked him if he had considered that I wasn't making him feel awkward, that he was doing that all on his own, and if he didn't act oddly around people, they would not act oddly around him.
T is not usually one to admit he is wrong, but he stepped back, thought about that, and said I had made an interesting point, and then we talked about that for more hours, about how we could act on it.
So this seems to have been a bit of a revelation, and suddenly we are back together and trying again, and back to all the agreements we had before without me having to change a thing, except to support him in his new bid to change his behaviour - I am a little shell-shocked really.
I have always been one for problem solving, both in and out of relationships, but this solution has turned up a little too quickly, and at a difficult time for me to trust it.
We are taking things a day at a time, and seeing how it works out. If it does... oh, if it does, I think I have almost everything I ever dreamed about. I guess if it doesn't work, then at least we tried everything we could.
I did indeed see Nice Guy again, and temptation was tougher than ever, so having got back from his house, I realised I needed to remove myself from the area or spiral into destructive behaviour - I packed up my things, charged my phone and drove until I was too sleepy to drive any farther, slept in the car for a while and then carried on driving until I was about as far as I could get away without a plane flight being involved.
I was out of my car barely thirty seconds when a rather friendly local chap stopped to ask if I needed directions, and when I said I was looking for coffee he said he would take me a place he knew and he was buying - well, that ended up turning into a fantastic fish dinner and a glorious afternoon on the beach, and some no strings fun as well.
After that, I decided to shift slightly closer to home. I landed in another town and amazingly quickly was offered drinks by another friendly guy - a student. Had a fantastic couple of hours with him, but I got a bit annoyed when he almost refused to let me leave, so I ended up storming off in a bit of a bad temper, and then struggling to find where I had parked the car as he had led me so far out of the parts of town I knew.
Then I had been wandering around for a few minutes, heading vaguely in the right direction, but not sure where I was, when I ran across an older gentleman, who nodded and smiled at me, and then doubled back to ask if I needed help, after another accepted invitation for coffee, I ended up talking to him until late and when he offered me a bed at his house for the night I accepted (hell, the guy was in his sixties and quite frail, I am sure he was in much more danger from me than vice versa). Left at around 6:30am, after breakfast and tea very kindly provided.
I suppose these things ought to make me feel better about the human race, except they all very clearly wanted sex, even the elderly gent, although he was far too much of a gentleman to push anything unwanted - yes, I know, I am polyamorous and open-minded, and I love sex, and I am of course going to find it flattering that people are interested in me, but I do wonder - is there no such thing as an altruistic act?
Anyway, I came home for that appointment, and having nowhere else really to go, I came back to the house to discuss the breakup with T, and things got a bit heated. I guess I got frustrated at him, and I pushed at things that I wouldn't usually, and asked him to tell me again why this particular guy was so off limits as compared to anyone else, and actually got a new answer - that T was upset because I was 'taking away his friends' - that he felt uncomfortable around other people I was seeing, and therefore when I was seeing someone he liked he felt I was threatening his social life.
I don't usually make any kind of you-statements in arguments if I can help it, feeling that each person is responsible for their own behaviour, and you can only change from the inside, but I listened to this, and then asked him if he had considered that I wasn't making him feel awkward, that he was doing that all on his own, and if he didn't act oddly around people, they would not act oddly around him.
T is not usually one to admit he is wrong, but he stepped back, thought about that, and said I had made an interesting point, and then we talked about that for more hours, about how we could act on it.
So this seems to have been a bit of a revelation, and suddenly we are back together and trying again, and back to all the agreements we had before without me having to change a thing, except to support him in his new bid to change his behaviour - I am a little shell-shocked really.
I have always been one for problem solving, both in and out of relationships, but this solution has turned up a little too quickly, and at a difficult time for me to trust it.
We are taking things a day at a time, and seeing how it works out. If it does... oh, if it does, I think I have almost everything I ever dreamed about. I guess if it doesn't work, then at least we tried everything we could.
posted by Miss Scarlet at 11:15 pm
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