Relationships are so Fragile
Sometimes when things are going well, it is easy to forget how little it takes to really hurt things.
This afternoon was all smiles and laughter, and then T managed to thoughtlessly close a door on me, giving me a nasty bruise on my hip. That would have been fine if he had apologised, but he decided to blame me instead for having been in the doorway (where I was supposed to be, I must add, as we were leaving a building together) - a nasty move that my father always used when I was a child, and always guaranteed to rub me up the wrong way. So I was angry and upset, and he was annoyed by what he no doubt saw as a massive overreaction, and things escalated from there.
Thankfully, rather than use the violence I was considering to demonstrate exactly how much a door handle moving at pace can hurt, I removed myself from the area and went to talk to NG again who, coming from an outside point of view, was a welcome ray of sanity.
To be honest, I was rather enjoying over reacting. I have always felt that my logic circuits got in the way of some really good melodrama, but NG was rather soothing, and confirmed my suspicion that, yes, I really ought to be a big girl, get over it and go home and forgive T for being thoughtless and lacking in social skills like the geek he is. So I did go back, and then we went out to dinner, and all was cheerful again, and we had a fantastic evening.
I do wonder though, just *how* thoughtless, and how insolent one can allow a loved one to be, and not be a doormat. I have a strong suspicion as well, that is it had been anyone other than myself that T had slammed the door into accidentally, that he would have been precisely as apologetic and solicitous as I thought he should have been towards me, but that because I am familiar territory he feels less obliged to care.
I find this rather upsetting, as I feel things should rather be the opposite way around. And I have been feeling somewhat unappreciated lately - I am afraid I am still unavoidably begrudging the fact that neither a birthday present, nor an anniversary celebration has ever materialised this year, both of which were some months ago - it rather suggests that our relationship is lower on his priority list that, say, updating his new PC, watching sci-fi series on DVD, or getting the washing up done , which makes it all the harder to take, even though it was such a tiny thing.
I know full well I can be thoughtless too, and lord knows, I am not the easiest person to live with, but I spend my time trying to learn from my mistakes (and others') and when I stumble over a problem I make plans to grow from it - but I don't get any such intentions from T. It makes me a little bit uncomfortable about the future again.
I have made some enormous changes to my life for him, because T is, and expects to be, the most important part of my life, and I think it is only fair to expect in return to be at least somewhere in his top priorities - If I am not, then what on earth am I putting myself out for?
This afternoon was all smiles and laughter, and then T managed to thoughtlessly close a door on me, giving me a nasty bruise on my hip. That would have been fine if he had apologised, but he decided to blame me instead for having been in the doorway (where I was supposed to be, I must add, as we were leaving a building together) - a nasty move that my father always used when I was a child, and always guaranteed to rub me up the wrong way. So I was angry and upset, and he was annoyed by what he no doubt saw as a massive overreaction, and things escalated from there.
Thankfully, rather than use the violence I was considering to demonstrate exactly how much a door handle moving at pace can hurt, I removed myself from the area and went to talk to NG again who, coming from an outside point of view, was a welcome ray of sanity.
To be honest, I was rather enjoying over reacting. I have always felt that my logic circuits got in the way of some really good melodrama, but NG was rather soothing, and confirmed my suspicion that, yes, I really ought to be a big girl, get over it and go home and forgive T for being thoughtless and lacking in social skills like the geek he is. So I did go back, and then we went out to dinner, and all was cheerful again, and we had a fantastic evening.
I do wonder though, just *how* thoughtless, and how insolent one can allow a loved one to be, and not be a doormat. I have a strong suspicion as well, that is it had been anyone other than myself that T had slammed the door into accidentally, that he would have been precisely as apologetic and solicitous as I thought he should have been towards me, but that because I am familiar territory he feels less obliged to care.
I find this rather upsetting, as I feel things should rather be the opposite way around. And I have been feeling somewhat unappreciated lately - I am afraid I am still unavoidably begrudging the fact that neither a birthday present, nor an anniversary celebration has ever materialised this year, both of which were some months ago - it rather suggests that our relationship is lower on his priority list that, say, updating his new PC, watching sci-fi series on DVD, or getting the washing up done , which makes it all the harder to take, even though it was such a tiny thing.
I know full well I can be thoughtless too, and lord knows, I am not the easiest person to live with, but I spend my time trying to learn from my mistakes (and others') and when I stumble over a problem I make plans to grow from it - but I don't get any such intentions from T. It makes me a little bit uncomfortable about the future again.
I have made some enormous changes to my life for him, because T is, and expects to be, the most important part of my life, and I think it is only fair to expect in return to be at least somewhere in his top priorities - If I am not, then what on earth am I putting myself out for?
posted by Miss Scarlet at 12:04 am
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