Crumpled T-shirts and Crumbling Sanity
Finding his t-shirt tangled up with the clothes on my shelf made me crumple into a heap on the bed. It is hard getting it through my own head that this is really happening. Or is it happening again? I am so confused lately.
The last couple of days have been draining, and I am very tired. After the final split yesterday, I hung around in case my no longer life-partner wanted to talk, but he wanted to watch DVDs instead, so I went out - not many places to go around here, so it ended up being Nice Guy's house. He had to go out, but left me the run of his house as a sanctuary, along with tea and a very comforting bacon sandwich, much appreciated. Sometimes having my own room is not enough, and this is such a backwater place that in the middle of a Sunday afternoon I would probably have to drive for an hour or so to find a coffee shop open.
I am looking forward to getting back into civilisation, and with any luck, not having to drive all the time again. I never thought I would say it, but I really miss public transport.
I still feel like an idiot, but pressing myself to move on and learn. It is hard though. I should start packing soon, but the tiniest thing sets me off.
I guess up to now I was still somehow hoping it would all work out. Well, it will, but it will work out in terms of he and I not being together.
We went out for drinks last night, T, myself, NG and a couple of other guys, and it was actually fun. We are all still friends (well, NG hasn't done anything wrong, but I think it is still rather good of T to not be throwing spite wherever it could possibly go) and I think on evidence, everything will be amicable and hopefully go smoothly enough. In some ways that makes it all so much harder - if we hated each other, the leaving might hurt less.
I have been avoiding sex since Sunday. I am not sure why, as it is not as though I have anything to lose, but I have been as platonic as can be with NG, and kept well away from breakup sex with T so far as well. It feels like a kind of penance. There has been a lot of tea instead.
I am so very very tired.
The last couple of days have been draining, and I am very tired. After the final split yesterday, I hung around in case my no longer life-partner wanted to talk, but he wanted to watch DVDs instead, so I went out - not many places to go around here, so it ended up being Nice Guy's house. He had to go out, but left me the run of his house as a sanctuary, along with tea and a very comforting bacon sandwich, much appreciated. Sometimes having my own room is not enough, and this is such a backwater place that in the middle of a Sunday afternoon I would probably have to drive for an hour or so to find a coffee shop open.
I am looking forward to getting back into civilisation, and with any luck, not having to drive all the time again. I never thought I would say it, but I really miss public transport.
I still feel like an idiot, but pressing myself to move on and learn. It is hard though. I should start packing soon, but the tiniest thing sets me off.
I guess up to now I was still somehow hoping it would all work out. Well, it will, but it will work out in terms of he and I not being together.
We went out for drinks last night, T, myself, NG and a couple of other guys, and it was actually fun. We are all still friends (well, NG hasn't done anything wrong, but I think it is still rather good of T to not be throwing spite wherever it could possibly go) and I think on evidence, everything will be amicable and hopefully go smoothly enough. In some ways that makes it all so much harder - if we hated each other, the leaving might hurt less.
I have been avoiding sex since Sunday. I am not sure why, as it is not as though I have anything to lose, but I have been as platonic as can be with NG, and kept well away from breakup sex with T so far as well. It feels like a kind of penance. There has been a lot of tea instead.
I am so very very tired.
posted by Miss Scarlet at 11:48 am
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