Spiraling Again
Damn, just when I think I have made up my mind that I am staying and I can cope with everything, another incident and I am uncertain again.
A fantastic time with Nice Guy this morning, and with my love this afternoon, then this evening it all goes and crumbles because NG decides to play tease - not a nice thing to do, but nobody said it wasn't within the rules - damn pedant. He gets me well turned on and then says 'right, that's it, I'm not playing any more - I'm declaring a ration of one lot of sex per day' - would have been nice to have mentioned that sooner methinks.
So I am annoyed with NG, because now it is late, I am frustrated, and I know damn well that my love is not going to want to play with me, but I just have to try, (partly because NG says to me that most men would love to have it offered on a plate like that - but hey, this is a single guy talking who is definitely not living with a woman of unusually high sex drive, I really should not have listened to this) so this turns into a full-blown row with my beloved, and now I am both frustrated and unsure whether I am still wanting to stay here again.
The whole penetrative sex thing rears its head again, as well, as I suspect NG sent me home partly to avoid the temptation of breaking that rule, and by the time I got home to my love nothing else would satisfy me, and he was neither willing nor able to provide at such a late time of night. Nothing I can say convinces my love that it is not the one single part of his body that makes him special to me, especially since I am forced into begging him to use precisely that because I am not allowed to do the same with anyone else - and if I am honest, there are days when only proper animal style sex will do.
I feel ridiculous being such a slave to my desires (which only makes me the more angry), and awful about demanding things from him when he so clearly doesn't want to, and even more dreadful that I am thinking about leaving over this, when it feels so small and silly after all we have gone through, but what else do I have?
When I really get down to basics, I don't believe there is a point to life other than enjoying oneself, and I would be enjoying myself more at the moment if I was single.
A fantastic time with Nice Guy this morning, and with my love this afternoon, then this evening it all goes and crumbles because NG decides to play tease - not a nice thing to do, but nobody said it wasn't within the rules - damn pedant. He gets me well turned on and then says 'right, that's it, I'm not playing any more - I'm declaring a ration of one lot of sex per day' - would have been nice to have mentioned that sooner methinks.
So I am annoyed with NG, because now it is late, I am frustrated, and I know damn well that my love is not going to want to play with me, but I just have to try, (partly because NG says to me that most men would love to have it offered on a plate like that - but hey, this is a single guy talking who is definitely not living with a woman of unusually high sex drive, I really should not have listened to this) so this turns into a full-blown row with my beloved, and now I am both frustrated and unsure whether I am still wanting to stay here again.
The whole penetrative sex thing rears its head again, as well, as I suspect NG sent me home partly to avoid the temptation of breaking that rule, and by the time I got home to my love nothing else would satisfy me, and he was neither willing nor able to provide at such a late time of night. Nothing I can say convinces my love that it is not the one single part of his body that makes him special to me, especially since I am forced into begging him to use precisely that because I am not allowed to do the same with anyone else - and if I am honest, there are days when only proper animal style sex will do.
I feel ridiculous being such a slave to my desires (which only makes me the more angry), and awful about demanding things from him when he so clearly doesn't want to, and even more dreadful that I am thinking about leaving over this, when it feels so small and silly after all we have gone through, but what else do I have?
When I really get down to basics, I don't believe there is a point to life other than enjoying oneself, and I would be enjoying myself more at the moment if I was single.
posted by Miss Scarlet at 12:20 am
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home