Ups and Downs

So another week mostly gone. I'm on my way back to the Goldfish Bowl tomorrow, for Nice Guy's last week there. Looking forward to relaxing for a week having been overdoing it for a while now. Then he's moving to the City and will be living pretty much around the corner - fantastic in that we'll probably be saving a fortune in phone bills and travel. Perhaps not quite so good in terms of either of us getting anything done!

The weekend with Mountain was... well, mountainous - the weekend started on a bit of a low as we struggled to get out of the City, then got lost on the way to where we going, finally negotiating flooded roads to get to the swing club we were aiming at after midnight, and then realising we needed to go to a cashpoint before we could get in. Things started improving then, and we played some in the club which was enjoyable. Didn't involve anyone else - I tend to want to know people better before I play, and I gather so does he - but it was a pleasantly naughty feeling knowing that other people could watch.

Daytime on Saturday was very nice. We lay around in bed being decadent and eating unhealthy things (and falafel for breakfast, of all things...), and fruit salads, and generally relaxing. Things were feeling nice and airy, and we were looking forward to the costume party in the evening. Then a text arrives from his ex-girlfriend, Princess, to say she is going to be at the club, thus starting a long slow slide into misery. The least said about the rest of it the better, I think, except to say that the play we had both been looking forward to ended up turning into comforting hugs instead. I still have an open mind about swing clubs, but perhaps next time I will try playing less far afield - if things go wrong then it isn't quite so depressing to slink off home!

Sunday headed back to the City just in time to have lunch with Mountain's housemate and some friends, then a quick collapse on his sofa before running to Victoria to meet my little brother. He generously bought me dinner (a first, I think!), and we had a good natter about our love lives. I have been 'out' as poly to my brother for as long as I knew the word, and possibly longer, since he was very much in on the goings on back when I was at school and juggling a boyfriend and girlfriend at the same time.

The last three days I have been working all hours, since an important development came up at work, but they still saw me having deep discussion with Nice Guy, receiving more bad news from Mountain about going on in his life, and having a long chat with my mother on the phone about life, the universe and everything (annoyingly whilst i was trying to talk to NG, but she's very hard to get off the phone at times, and it *was* lovely). I'm moving towards coming out to my mum about being poly. She already knows I am seeing more than one guy. In principle, she is encouraging it - after all, I'm still young and should be 'playing the field'. The bits about my being into girls and BDSM as well, I might leave for later though! I always figured I would tell my parents as and when things became relevant. As my work and my hobbies get closer together though, it's starting to look like it might be sooner rather than later!

In other news, my Gay Fiancee has announced his plan to move to the City in eighteen months or so time, which will be rather lovely. Though it means he'll be finding money tight for a while - maybe I'll get to turn the tables and treat him to meals and nights out at some point! Duchess is still happily coupled, and it is nice to see her happy. Cad is not quite so - he's single again, and having a bit of a low in general. I'm feeling a bit guilty that I can barely spare an hour to comiserate over coffee, but I'm over-committed as ever.

Hopefully I'll manage to recharge somewhat over the next week, and come back to the City energetic and raring to go again.
Enjoy yourselves!
x

I am still alive! (Also Freedom & Responsibility Part II )

Apologies for the long silence. Not really an excuse for it except that I have had a glorious holiday, and simply felt far too fluffy to really have anything useful to say. I have a draft entry saved that I will post retroactively over the next couple of days that talks about the few days before I got to the Goldfish Bowl (my all girl weekend, an encounter with Cad, and meeting a well known Fetish Diva).
Also for the last week I have been so wiped out by an infection and being back where I have to do dreadful mundane things like work, that I have slept for about half the week. I reluctantly turned down an offer of company from Cad, simply because I was too knackered to cope with it, and how very rarely I say no to pleasure.

My time in the Goldfish Bowl is best described as a month away from the world. A month in the presence of Nice Guy, sure we had a couple of arguments (at least partly about my lack of tact - i admit freely that I tend to read better on paper!) but the rest of it, touring the area, enjoying the weather, celebrating his birthday, and attending a ball together, sun, sea, sand and I might have to admit it... a lot of sex - a month of unrepentant bliss.
Getting to see T again was a bonus. We are still working on separating our belongings and finances (at least legally - joint mortgages are a pain), and things still feel a little... odd, at least at my end, but it was good to see him, and to know that we still have *something*, even if what we are to each other has changed. Still friends, and still 'fuck-buddies', even if a long way apart. I am positive about going back to stay with him on a friendly basis at some point, and I do wonder if I hadn't been out there staying with NG, whether we'd have actually got to that state.

Anyway, back in the real world, getting back to the City things start falling back to earth, and I realise that floating on my fluffy cloud for the past month, all of the issues that Nice Guy and I intended to talk about when I got there didn't apply, and had simply fallen by the wayside. Being back where there is daily temptation though, we are hard at work again dealing with things as and when they hit us. Staying up til silly times in the morning to talk through feelings when nerves are hit and mistakes are made (of course, by me).

Yesterday I headed round to Mountain's for lunch, and to present him with a belated birthday gift, and discovered over the course of lunch that he and his Significant Other were no longer an item. He is unexpectedly available for play for the first time since we met. Sudden quandary - I am supposed to be a single person. I made this promise to myself for the year. However, love is as it is, and I know that NG was upset by finding out at the last minute the last time I played with someone I hadn't before. I care, and so when he is upset, I feel it too. So... a couple of badly thought out texts and an apologetic phone conversation later, I compromise with myself on his behalf - I am not going to *not* play with Mountain, but I have waited four months, I can wait a little longer and give fair warning. So, reluctantly and frustratingly, I demonstrated willpower, and returned home to talk to NG instead. Things are... not entirely rosy, not entirely worked out, not completely happy, but I am optimistic again.
I have another date with Mountain on wednesday before he goes to Sweden (alas, I was invited, but I already am going to Optimus's graduation ceremony, and Lawyer's birthday treat, both on the same weekend, and plus can't really afford the time away). I anticipate it to be a lot of fun, especially having been Out of Bounds for so long.

Dinner with Duchess tonight, who is once again a part of a monogamous couple and off-limits for play, which is frustrating, but I still very much enjoy her company, so I will be behaving myself. Damn those ethics.
And right now, sleep, because the sun is rising and I have been up all night, first talking and then blogging about relationships. Must do the work thing at some point... Thank heavens for flexible working!

Red.
x