Freedom and Responsibility
I have had, as at least one of you commented, a very busy couple of weeks. I have been running around the country a lot again, having started a new job, and fitting that in with all of the visits to friends, relatives and others I had booked before I go back to the Goldfish Bowl, when I didn't expect to be working until July - that has been 'interesting' to say the least!
Having been so very busy, I have been starting to come into contact with some implications of polyamory that, while I had heard of their being an issue, I had not met before - one of these being not enough hours in the day to spend with everyone that I want to and make sure they are happy without running myself into the ground. I realise that I have said a lot about the people I have been seeing, and what we get up to, but not enough about the work that goes into making things work for everybody.
It is often said that with every freedom, comes responsibility. The freedom to see multiple people on a romantic level brings with it the responsibility to make sure that all ones partners, (and their partners if they have them) whether casual or long-term are happy with things, and getting the attention they want. That's not to say everyone involved wants or needs the same level of attention and care, but finding the right level is the responsibility of everyone involved.
To be free to welcome new people into your life, one needs to be aware of making enough time for existing friends and lovers, and to show them they are still important, and still loved.
The freedom that I particularly have craved up until this 'year of freedom' was the freedom to choose what, when, where, why and whom - that is, to be able to be spontaneous if i wanted to be, and not need to ask permission, or otherwise hold off, it something or someone that I want to explore is on the horizon. I realise that with this freedom comes the responsibility to respect one's existing partners, give reassurance, give time, give hugs, and otherwise find ways to make it ok. I am still talking this over with my beloved Nice Guy - I am aware that it may be a sticking point, but I am hopeful that we can find a way to keep him comfortable with things without having to necessarily give up my 'ooh, shiny!' moments. Then perhaps we might have a future together long-term - I would like that.
As happy as I am negotiating with partners and their partners, I do love my own spontaneity, and find the idea of giving that up again in the future a hard one to stomach - I love polyamory because it feels like it's a more adult way of relating to people, on a case-by-case basis, and I love being able to make that decision for myself - not that I don't want to take others into consideration, but being trusted to make the call without having to check and double check feels right to me, and not a thing i want to give up.
The freedom to play sexually with more that one person comes with the very important responsibility to ensure an acceptable level of safety from pregnancy and disease for everyone involved. This has been particularly on my mind over the last week or two as I had to have a coil taken out, thanks to some rather painful cramps and bleeding. This got me talking to my foremost lover about fluid bonding and safety, and some very intense conversation ensued. More discussion will no doubt be forthcoming, as things aren't entirely decided, but I do feel that what we have agreed so far has brought us even closer together.
I also had an evening (well, night, actually) with Polymath - a very intelligent and open minded man I met way back before Christmas, that was, well, hard to describe - somehow intense but playful at the same time. Very enjoyable, anyway, and I shall hope for a repeat, or a continuation, if we ever manage to be in the same city again - it only took us six months or so to meet up this time around! Having been poly for rather longer than I have even been aware of *any* sort of sexuality, he is interesting to talk to as well. It is good to get the perspective of someone who has been there and done that, and not just read it in a book! I at least try to learn from others experience, even if I don't always manage it.
Tomorrow I am hoping will be the result of a week or so's worth of negotiation and feeling out of boundaries - I will be hosting a 'girls night in' consisting of myself, Miss Sunshine and Rapunzel, who is a gorgeous young woman we met in my favourite coffee shop, with very long hair, an attractive sense of humour, and a rather sexy tendency towards geekishness. I spent a portion of this evening talking online to her partner what we could get up to (baking and pillow fights were mentioned, amongst other things, possibly involving the 'wearing' of chocolate cake, hehehe) - reassuring him that I was not about to spirit his beloved away and do awful things to her, or get into intensely psychological stuff, and I was delighted to get a 'yes' to being able to play on those conditions. So tomorrow I will have the company of two beautiful women, there will be baking, there will undoubtedly be much giggling, and there is the delicious possibility of... more. Bliss! Just need to double check what Miss Sunshine's husband says about it all... At any rate, even if there is no play, there will still be cake and beautiful women in my house - and who could ask for more?
Scarlet.
x
Having been so very busy, I have been starting to come into contact with some implications of polyamory that, while I had heard of their being an issue, I had not met before - one of these being not enough hours in the day to spend with everyone that I want to and make sure they are happy without running myself into the ground. I realise that I have said a lot about the people I have been seeing, and what we get up to, but not enough about the work that goes into making things work for everybody.
It is often said that with every freedom, comes responsibility. The freedom to see multiple people on a romantic level brings with it the responsibility to make sure that all ones partners, (and their partners if they have them) whether casual or long-term are happy with things, and getting the attention they want. That's not to say everyone involved wants or needs the same level of attention and care, but finding the right level is the responsibility of everyone involved.
To be free to welcome new people into your life, one needs to be aware of making enough time for existing friends and lovers, and to show them they are still important, and still loved.
The freedom that I particularly have craved up until this 'year of freedom' was the freedom to choose what, when, where, why and whom - that is, to be able to be spontaneous if i wanted to be, and not need to ask permission, or otherwise hold off, it something or someone that I want to explore is on the horizon. I realise that with this freedom comes the responsibility to respect one's existing partners, give reassurance, give time, give hugs, and otherwise find ways to make it ok. I am still talking this over with my beloved Nice Guy - I am aware that it may be a sticking point, but I am hopeful that we can find a way to keep him comfortable with things without having to necessarily give up my 'ooh, shiny!' moments. Then perhaps we might have a future together long-term - I would like that.
As happy as I am negotiating with partners and their partners, I do love my own spontaneity, and find the idea of giving that up again in the future a hard one to stomach - I love polyamory because it feels like it's a more adult way of relating to people, on a case-by-case basis, and I love being able to make that decision for myself - not that I don't want to take others into consideration, but being trusted to make the call without having to check and double check feels right to me, and not a thing i want to give up.
The freedom to play sexually with more that one person comes with the very important responsibility to ensure an acceptable level of safety from pregnancy and disease for everyone involved. This has been particularly on my mind over the last week or two as I had to have a coil taken out, thanks to some rather painful cramps and bleeding. This got me talking to my foremost lover about fluid bonding and safety, and some very intense conversation ensued. More discussion will no doubt be forthcoming, as things aren't entirely decided, but I do feel that what we have agreed so far has brought us even closer together.
I also had an evening (well, night, actually) with Polymath - a very intelligent and open minded man I met way back before Christmas, that was, well, hard to describe - somehow intense but playful at the same time. Very enjoyable, anyway, and I shall hope for a repeat, or a continuation, if we ever manage to be in the same city again - it only took us six months or so to meet up this time around! Having been poly for rather longer than I have even been aware of *any* sort of sexuality, he is interesting to talk to as well. It is good to get the perspective of someone who has been there and done that, and not just read it in a book! I at least try to learn from others experience, even if I don't always manage it.
Tomorrow I am hoping will be the result of a week or so's worth of negotiation and feeling out of boundaries - I will be hosting a 'girls night in' consisting of myself, Miss Sunshine and Rapunzel, who is a gorgeous young woman we met in my favourite coffee shop, with very long hair, an attractive sense of humour, and a rather sexy tendency towards geekishness. I spent a portion of this evening talking online to her partner what we could get up to (baking and pillow fights were mentioned, amongst other things, possibly involving the 'wearing' of chocolate cake, hehehe) - reassuring him that I was not about to spirit his beloved away and do awful things to her, or get into intensely psychological stuff, and I was delighted to get a 'yes' to being able to play on those conditions. So tomorrow I will have the company of two beautiful women, there will be baking, there will undoubtedly be much giggling, and there is the delicious possibility of... more. Bliss! Just need to double check what Miss Sunshine's husband says about it all... At any rate, even if there is no play, there will still be cake and beautiful women in my house - and who could ask for more?
Scarlet.
x
posted by Miss Scarlet at 1:39 am
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