Merry Christmas to All
I have had a lovely christmas, and in fact a very good year, and I'm in fact immensely happy with my life as it is. Over the last month or so though, it seems it has been a case of one door closes, another... closes.
My housing situation got so silly I came to the conclusion it was stupid to carry on paying rent when one of my housemates (the one that ran off with our money over the summer) had already been evicted, the rest of us hadn't the slightest clue what was going on, and I was at home so rarely I was starting to expect to come home and find that the landlords had moved my things out without telling me. Mountain had already offered to look after my things while we went to Canada, so we found a day, and I roped him and Nice Guy into helping move my things across the City, which is precisely when things went rather pear-shaped.
I don't really want to go into the details too far - this log is intended to be about poly life, it isn't about picking apart people I still care about. However NG made a comment to Mountain that implied something so untrue, and so deeply offensive to both of us that it just couldn't be ignored, and compounded it by asking him to keep it 'not for my ears'.
It feels almost silly to end a relationship over a comment, but believe me, it was not a small niggle, but a fundamental issue relating to my entire philosophy, and only demonstrated that NG had been managing to appear on track while completely missing the point. Having tried so hard to teach these principles (relating to both polyamory, and BDSM) by talking through them, by demonstrating, by living them and supporting him through having trouble with them, and to still find that not only am I getting nowhere, but there are other people I love being hurt in the process, that has to be where I draw the line.
So, reluctantly, I have broken up with Nice Guy, which has left me in a rather unexpected position of living solely with Mountain for the period up until we go to Canada, where I had been expecting to spend much of my time at NG's house.
Just to top this, the company I have been working with since April announced a couple of days later that they can't afford to keep the office open, which to some extent makes no difference to me, as I was going away anyway, but it does mean that money is tighter through January. This was precisely the same day that Mountain's company also announced that they were laying staff off, so he too will be looking for work when we get back to the City and, scarily, I may end up supporting us both on my savings for a little bit.
So I'm once again in a state of flux over Christmas time - no permanent home, no job, and accidentally monogamous - again, although at least this time with a person who shares my views on relationships and identified as poly well before he met me, which does make it a whole lot less scary. It's a whole lot easier to give something up knowing that one can take it back again when it's needed.
There are other positives too. Nice Guy actually seems happier now we're apart - the pressure is off our relationship, and we are determined to stay friends. I have all the energy I had been spending on supporting him to spare for work and friends, as well. The extra time I've been spending with Mountain has been fantastic, and I have loved living with him and his housemate, Kitten. I'm hoping we can all move back in together when we get back to the City, though it will involve a lot of talking through and examination of boundaries (mostly between Mountain and myself).
Being adopted into Optimus's household over Christmas has been amazing, too, his family accepted me instantly as one of their own, and made me feel so at home. It really has been lovely, and I was so glad I put some effort into their presents, as it made me very happy indeed to see the resulting smiles.
Looking back over the last year, I feel I have learned a lot about myself and what I want and need in life. I have realised just how important it is to me to have both freedom and independence. I have learned a lot more about where my boundaries are, in and out of the bedroom, and a few things about other people's, too. I have made some fantastic new friends, and gained at least one relationship I expect to last for many years to come. Sadly, I have also come to the conclusion that it probably isn't worth the effort to attempt to have major relationships with people who aren't already poly. I certainly don't have the energy at the moment, anyway. I intend over the next year to put a lot more time and effort into getting my career on some sort of path, and pay attention to the people I already have in my life, rather than look for anything new, even if that means being essentially monogamous for the moment.
My year of freedom hasn't quite been spent single, but I have found that the important part of what I wanted is still with me - the autonomy to go where and with whom I want, and when. Right now, that just happens to involve staying in one place.
Wishing you all a very merry Christmas and a happy new year.
Red
x
My housing situation got so silly I came to the conclusion it was stupid to carry on paying rent when one of my housemates (the one that ran off with our money over the summer) had already been evicted, the rest of us hadn't the slightest clue what was going on, and I was at home so rarely I was starting to expect to come home and find that the landlords had moved my things out without telling me. Mountain had already offered to look after my things while we went to Canada, so we found a day, and I roped him and Nice Guy into helping move my things across the City, which is precisely when things went rather pear-shaped.
I don't really want to go into the details too far - this log is intended to be about poly life, it isn't about picking apart people I still care about. However NG made a comment to Mountain that implied something so untrue, and so deeply offensive to both of us that it just couldn't be ignored, and compounded it by asking him to keep it 'not for my ears'.
It feels almost silly to end a relationship over a comment, but believe me, it was not a small niggle, but a fundamental issue relating to my entire philosophy, and only demonstrated that NG had been managing to appear on track while completely missing the point. Having tried so hard to teach these principles (relating to both polyamory, and BDSM) by talking through them, by demonstrating, by living them and supporting him through having trouble with them, and to still find that not only am I getting nowhere, but there are other people I love being hurt in the process, that has to be where I draw the line.
So, reluctantly, I have broken up with Nice Guy, which has left me in a rather unexpected position of living solely with Mountain for the period up until we go to Canada, where I had been expecting to spend much of my time at NG's house.
Just to top this, the company I have been working with since April announced a couple of days later that they can't afford to keep the office open, which to some extent makes no difference to me, as I was going away anyway, but it does mean that money is tighter through January. This was precisely the same day that Mountain's company also announced that they were laying staff off, so he too will be looking for work when we get back to the City and, scarily, I may end up supporting us both on my savings for a little bit.
So I'm once again in a state of flux over Christmas time - no permanent home, no job, and accidentally monogamous - again, although at least this time with a person who shares my views on relationships and identified as poly well before he met me, which does make it a whole lot less scary. It's a whole lot easier to give something up knowing that one can take it back again when it's needed.
There are other positives too. Nice Guy actually seems happier now we're apart - the pressure is off our relationship, and we are determined to stay friends. I have all the energy I had been spending on supporting him to spare for work and friends, as well. The extra time I've been spending with Mountain has been fantastic, and I have loved living with him and his housemate, Kitten. I'm hoping we can all move back in together when we get back to the City, though it will involve a lot of talking through and examination of boundaries (mostly between Mountain and myself).
Being adopted into Optimus's household over Christmas has been amazing, too, his family accepted me instantly as one of their own, and made me feel so at home. It really has been lovely, and I was so glad I put some effort into their presents, as it made me very happy indeed to see the resulting smiles.
Looking back over the last year, I feel I have learned a lot about myself and what I want and need in life. I have realised just how important it is to me to have both freedom and independence. I have learned a lot more about where my boundaries are, in and out of the bedroom, and a few things about other people's, too. I have made some fantastic new friends, and gained at least one relationship I expect to last for many years to come. Sadly, I have also come to the conclusion that it probably isn't worth the effort to attempt to have major relationships with people who aren't already poly. I certainly don't have the energy at the moment, anyway. I intend over the next year to put a lot more time and effort into getting my career on some sort of path, and pay attention to the people I already have in my life, rather than look for anything new, even if that means being essentially monogamous for the moment.
My year of freedom hasn't quite been spent single, but I have found that the important part of what I wanted is still with me - the autonomy to go where and with whom I want, and when. Right now, that just happens to involve staying in one place.
Wishing you all a very merry Christmas and a happy new year.
Red
x
posted by Miss Scarlet at 7:52 pm
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