A note on comments

I do appreciate comments, and I know I have enabled anonymous commenting, but I would very much appreciate if commenters would adopt some sort of identifier, a nickname or a number, or anything so that I can tell you apart!

Otherwise it gets immensely confusing for me as to who is saying what!

Thanks a lot, and thanks for reading.

Scarlet.

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Scorned woman? Not exactly!

So this afternoon I got a call from my lover to tell me that he had sex with another woman. How am I feeling?

Well first off, a little smug. Why? Because it was 100% clear to me that she had been flirting with him, even from a couple of thousand miles away, and like almost anyone, I do like to be proven right. They had gone away camping overnight in a shack in a the middle of nowhere with some friends, and I had in fact been nagging him to take condoms, despite his feeling that 'Nice Guys don't do that' - My personal feeling on that matter is that it's in fact the nice thing to do. What is it they teach you in Scouts? Always be prepared!

In fact it's my opinion that every person, gay or straight, monogamous or poly, partnered or celibate, *every* person should carry some sort of protection - worst case scenario, say you are at the hands of a rapist, you ask them to use a condom - if you haven't got one on you, they are going to rape you anyway, but if you are carrying, then maybe, just maybe they will take one and use it. Alternatively on a slightly happier and more probable note, even if you are not going to use it, maybe you can lend yours to someone who is caught short!
Realistically though, if there is even a 1% chance that you will be having sex, you should be prepared for it. Nothing more frustrating than the alternative.

Back on topic though - my favourite man just slept with another woman, am I really not bothered? Well, no. I'm a little amused at the shy voice he used to tell me about it, and a lot amused at how surprised he was at himself - 'but I'm a good boy!' Oh yes honey, I know you are - that's why you want to make people happy. That's why you enjoy making women come!

What else am I feeling? A little relieved - for him in that I had been wondering if his constant disbelief that women find him attractive was going to keep on getting in the way of things, and a little for myself because in a lot of ways it is easier to be in a polyamorous relationship if both of you benefit from it. I feel a little selfish for that last thought, but I know having tried desperately hard to be monogamous in the past that it simply doesn't suit me, and I really would like Nice Guy in my life for many years to come.

What else? I am intensely curious. I've not met the lady in person, though I have seen a couple of pictures, and chatted very briefly on webcam. I want to know what it was like - does she come like me? Does she make a lot of noise? Did they do anything that we don't, teach him any new tricks? Does she feel different to me? Will you do it again? Do I get to meet her? Does it make you feel different about her, about you, me, us? It's not that I want to interrogate, so I resisted firing the questions, I just get such a warm glow from people I care about enjoying themselves that I wanted to share in it vicariously. He already mentioned that she is apparently multi-orgasmic, so I am guessing she enjoyed herself - a thing that made me grin like a loon, quite frankly, because my beloved has no idea at all how great he is at sharing pleasure, and it is nice to actually have another woman back me up in that opinion.

So how do I feel about sharing my love? I can honestly say I am happy and glad, for him, for her and for all of us. I am wondering what it might mean for the future in the sense of will this be a short but pleasant fling, a lasting sexual friendship, a more complex relationship? I have nothing but optimistic thoughts on that front though, as I am certain that, even if we were to stop having a sexual relationship, NG would still be a part of my life, and I am happy seeing him happy. Even I'm a little surprised at that - I would be happily solo, as long as the people I cared about were happy.

In short, my most Significant Other had sex with someone else, and I am pleased.

As for myself? Well I woke up this morning in bed with my friend Miss Sunshine and her husband. We hadn't had sex, I was far too tired to play by the time we hit the sack last night, having been out to the theatre and then at Lawyer's house until late, but it was lovely just sharing three way hugs and being close, and I simply didn't feel the need to. We had tea and bacon sandwiches, and then the pair of them drove me to Dullsville to see my parents. I gave her a kiss goodbye without my mother noticing, or at least commenting. I am starting to consider coming out fully to my parents as poly - have already mentioned that NG and I are seeing each other, though we are 'not exclusive', which I think is the diplomatic way to put it. My friends have known for years, though. I will have a think about it and maybe do some research for tips to help with it.

Tomorrow I'm meeting Duchess in town for coffee, as by coincidence she's here visiting Busybee, and then we'll both be heading back to the City, where I'm meeting a woman about possibly doing some work for her in exchange for tickets to tantra workshops, and then the rest of the week looks to be a blur of activity as well. Will hopefully update soon - many an interesting thing happening at the moment, of which I have only mentioned a couple!

Rouge
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Old flames and new boots.

A number of blasts from the past in the last day or two, some old feelings, some new ones, a new experience or two. Missing people.

As I said to Nice Guy a while back, I am, in my way, quite faithful to my loves - once I make a space in my life for a person, it is always there. That space may grow, or shrink, but it has never yet disappeared entirely. Once a friend, once a love, always a love. For better or for worse, as it were. So I have been thinking of the people I have loved and lost, or loved and simply lost contact with, either permanently of temporarily.

People I miss: Thespian, Scaredycat, Miss Anthropist, Pianist, my Gay Fiancée, Cad, Vampira and Busybee are all on the list, some of whom I have simply lost contact with through being disorganised, so I do hope to reconnect with soon. Others are more permanently separated, as is T, who I have realised lately I am missing more than I was letting on to myself. I am admittedly obsessed with NG, and distracting myself with many other things, but four and a half years doesn't go by without leaving a big gap in one's life. I do rather wish I was living nearer to where T was, so at least I could go around and have dinner occasionally. I miss his rumpled style, his wit, the in-jokes and habits we shared. I just plain miss *him*. Maybe someday we will slot back into each others' lives in some way. It's nice to think so, anyway.

I did talk to Scaredycat again this morning - he is having a bit of a crisis in relationship terms, which makes me hurt for him - I had been so happy to see him happy before. I really do hope it works out for the better. I am going to visit with him on saturday and talk to him more, and offer hugs. I would offer more if he were single, but in some ways I am hoping that won't be the case. I loved seeing him in love.

A certain imperious lady friend of mine had her birthday yesterday, too, and came to visit me today- I had promised to cook her dinner for it. It has been a few months since we had any time alone together, and things have been somewhat stressed between us. Had a somewhat inauspicious start thanks to a misunderstanding, but we managed to break the ice again, and I gave her a good spanking for having not looked after my boots properly (the ones I had been planning to wear to Torture Garden, but got damaged whilst in her care), which I must admit was rather satisfying. She also came into quite close contact with the replacements, in a way I wouldn't have initially considered, but turned out to be rather fun- being kinky certainly has it's positives in terms of being able to work tension out on other people!

I have plans to see Miss Sunshine at the weekend, and Lawyer, whom I love despite his being scum (*winks to you, hun if you are are reading this*), Duchess I am meeting again in Dullsville, as we both happen to be there on Monday, and Optimus and Mountain in the first week or so of next month. Then it will only be a couple of weeks left before I go to stay with NG in the Goldfish Bowl for four weeks. Looking at all these names I do wonder if I am overextending myself, but I always do seem to prefer my life to be brimming over rather than near empty.

Lastly, after getting home from my first wrestling practise, which was fantastic fun, last night I posted a piece of romantic poetry in my other blog*, something I haven't attempted in years.
I posted a love poem for Nice Guy, because I was thinking about him, because I wanted him to know how I was feeling, perhaps also because the current state of affairs is a little unusual and I wanted to remind him that even though I am not about to commit to monogamy, I still feel what has grown between us very deeply.
Am I feeling jealous? He has a lady staying with him at the moment who he was friends with a long time ago but has not seen in person for a long time, and i know they have been flirting online somewhat lately - so I check with myself to see if I am feeling threatened - it isn't unheard of, after all - the partner who is used to running around while their significant other stays at home gets suddenly upset when the tables are turned. In fact, I find I would love for them to connect. There is nothing lovelier than seeing someone I love happy, whether with me or someone else. I guess I just wanted to make it clear that whatever happens, I feel this way about him.
It is heart-warming as well to actually be loving someone who appreciates and responds to sensual things and romantic gestures, something that fell rather flat with all of my male exes -more proof that NG is a man with a female brain, or just a consequence of having dated geeks? It is lovely, whatever the reason.

I will be away for the weekend now, so likely that there will be no more posts until Monday evening at the earliest.
Have a good few days, all
xxx

Red.

*If you don't know about it, feel free to email me for details: ascarletwoman@gmail.com

Oops, three weeks since last post!

So what on earth have I been up to?

Well my much beloved Nice Guy was in the country for three weeks, most of which we ended up spending in bed, despite our plans to get out and do touristy things. We just never really got organised to go out.
We did however organise my house, so I have a wonderfully neat and clean studio with lots of storage, and a place for everything. So at least I have an excellent start in working from home, now that I am not being quite so distracted.
Not that I am complaining! In those three weeks I had my first taste of suspension bondage, the wonderful threesome that I mentioned already, and my very first experience with more than three people on one bed, with Nice Guy, Miss Sunshine and her husband.
Also my first verified experience of female ejaculation (there may be more on this topic, as I went to a very interesting lecture/workshop last night about it), my first chance to properly test my 'feeldoe' and a whole host of wonderful orgasms, not to mention many hours just enjoying each others company and conversation, touching and being touched, and sleeping skin-to-skin.

C, my ex and occasional playmate came to stay for a few days in the middle of this - I must admit I was in a horrible mood all weekend, and it didn't go desperately well - I was an awful hostess and I felt very sorry for him, especially since he had been kind enough to take me to the ideal home show, which was rather fun, but I hadn't realised quite how long he had planned to stay, and I was feeling so very horrible and ratty he left a day early, driving home at some time in the middle of the night rather than get under my feet any more.
He was quite in the mood to play, I think, but I just plain wasn't. The day he left I got a major attack of thrush, which might go some way to explain why I was feeling so low, but I still feel rather guilty about having been so antisocial on top of that. I will perhaps have to make up for it at some stage.
I do really wish I had a spare room rather than being forced to share my studio/bedroom - I usually enjoy having guests, but it would make it so much easier to offer people space if I had more of it, and being in the City I have a lot of people wanting to come and stay. All the more reason to work on improving my career prospects as soon as possible!

The last few days I have spent working on my CV with the 'got to get a job' urge, as I am a bit fed up with having to budget quite so tightly, the first month in the City having cost me rather more than I expected.
Having actually sat down and checked the contents of my bank account, though, and done some arithmetic, I realise I am not quite so badly off as I thought, and it makes more sense to wait until the end of June when I get back from another month in the Goldfish Bowl before I start applying for work, that is assuming I haven't established my own business in the meantime.
I do still have to budget, though, and I am working the barter system for all it's got, doing work exchanges with various businesses and individuals, but at least I can manage to pay the rent until October if need be without being too badly off.

I have actually turned down a trip out to see NG again next week. Much as I would love to go, I feel I really need to be in the City, getting to know people, making some business contacts, just getting into the routine of even mundane things like going to the supermarket to buy food and getting back to some sort of sane sleep and work pattern.
My year of freedom is about establishing myself as an independent person, finding my feet emotionally and financially, and letting go of the safety net of being in a formal relationship. Tempting as it is, as long as I keep spending all of my time with the one guy, however lovely, I am not helping myself to be that person.
On the other hand, NG is looking for work in the City, and I am actively encouraging this. I love the fact that he is as into exploring new aspects of sex as much as I am, and I have every intention of continuing to explore for many years to come.
There are some things that need so much mutual trust, respect and deep feeling that can only really be explored in a long term loving relationship, monogamous or otherwise, and I can't think of a better person to explore those with.
It would be so lovely to have him close by again, especially on terms that allow me to stick by my ideals - having my own place to live, my own income, my own life, which in my mind makes the choice to share any or all of those all the more meaningful.

So for the next few weeks I shall be catching up with all of the other friends, playmates and others that I have been neglecting while enjoying myself with NG, catching up on work, emails, and exploring more of the City, my local surroundings, and the fetish scene that I am a very recent entrant to.
Hopefully there will be much more to blog about - since this entry is getting to be quite long, I shall leave describing the workshop last night for another day, suffice it to say I have a lot of new things to think about!

Blowing Kisses,

Miss Scarlet

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