Settling In
Finally, after a couple of weeks here, Mountain and I are starting to get into some sort of rhythm, although it's a knackering one. Winter sports during the day and working at night, leaves very little energy for anything else. It can't be helped, but I am a little bit frustrated. There haven't been any days without cuddles, but there have been days without play, and I struggle with that.
Also I miss Nice Guy. In some ways it's been good getting some distance, having a break from the intensity, and most definitely from the negative cycles we'd been in for the last few months, but I do miss the positive side of things, and the... him-ness of him.
I still don't know if I could chance getting back together, only to find that he still hasn't clicked with the same issues we had before: that essentially my deeply held belief is that love is about enjoying sharing another person's happiness - even if their happiness isn't with you (though I do know how amazing it can be when it *is*), whereas his idea of love seems to be a more ritualised duty-based system, which led to some serious resentment on both sides when he wasn't getting 'his fair share'.
When it comes to love, nobody can claim that any one way is the right way, but it can be seriously painful when you don't have the same one.
On a more positive note, the difference between Mountain's style of relationship and mine came up in conversation quite naturally the other day, and the resulting discussion was quite reassuring. While he's happiest playing just with me or with me and someone else together, I'm still inclined to play with friends and other lovers one-on-one, and on a slightly more casual basis, and in principle that is fine with both of us. We will talk about it again no doubt, when the situation arises, but for now I'm happy to let it rest, and I'm content that when and if problems do arise, we'll work through it together.
I should really have trusted that when Mountain expressed poly ideals he meant it, but I've been through so many situations where partners claimed to agree, or at least to understand, and then changed their minds later, it's a hard thing to take on faith.
A question for you: There's clearly no right answer, but how would *you* define love?
Also I miss Nice Guy. In some ways it's been good getting some distance, having a break from the intensity, and most definitely from the negative cycles we'd been in for the last few months, but I do miss the positive side of things, and the... him-ness of him.
I still don't know if I could chance getting back together, only to find that he still hasn't clicked with the same issues we had before: that essentially my deeply held belief is that love is about enjoying sharing another person's happiness - even if their happiness isn't with you (though I do know how amazing it can be when it *is*), whereas his idea of love seems to be a more ritualised duty-based system, which led to some serious resentment on both sides when he wasn't getting 'his fair share'.
When it comes to love, nobody can claim that any one way is the right way, but it can be seriously painful when you don't have the same one.
On a more positive note, the difference between Mountain's style of relationship and mine came up in conversation quite naturally the other day, and the resulting discussion was quite reassuring. While he's happiest playing just with me or with me and someone else together, I'm still inclined to play with friends and other lovers one-on-one, and on a slightly more casual basis, and in principle that is fine with both of us. We will talk about it again no doubt, when the situation arises, but for now I'm happy to let it rest, and I'm content that when and if problems do arise, we'll work through it together.
I should really have trusted that when Mountain expressed poly ideals he meant it, but I've been through so many situations where partners claimed to agree, or at least to understand, and then changed their minds later, it's a hard thing to take on faith.
A question for you: There's clearly no right answer, but how would *you* define love?
posted by Miss Scarlet at 6:34 am
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