Canada

So this is it - we're here.
There were points over the last few weeks when I really thought we wouldn't make it. It was only when I burst into tears on Mountain’s shoulder halfway through the flight that I realized just how much I’d been holding my breath ever since we decided to go away together.
Breaking up with Nice Guy made things so much scarier – thinking of accidental monogamy still takes me back to the whole mess with Tallboy, where he'd got used to having me to himself, and how hard that was on both of us. Mountain is poly, but he and I still have slightly different views on what that may mean, in terms of casualness of relationships - I think there may need to be more discussion along the way.
Hopefully that's all it will need to be though, as I'm realising more and more how well our life-plans fit together. We both love to travel, and have chosen careers that fit in with that. This trip is a first experiment into what could become a way of life. A few months away, enjoying ourselves, working a little, learning new skills. A few months back in the City, saving money and seeing friends and loved ones, and then away again to do something and somewhere else new – sounds idyllic, doesn’t it?

It is odd, being here, things being so different to how we planned – We’ve both lost the jobs that we expected to be doing remotely while we were out here. Neither of us has a home to go back to, and I have lost my most major relationship, as well. Partly, I guess, as a result of my wanting to travel in the first place. It’s sad, but quite freeing, at the same time, to have no ties to pull us back. If we like it here there’s nothing* to stop us staying. The world is our oyster… for as long as we’re happy being an ‘us’.
I’m not going to take it for granted though – to me that’s the end of a happy relationship anyway. If you know your lover could choose to leave tomorrow, you want to make it worth sticking around, don’t you?


*except Visa applications

Tying up loose ends (and un-tying knots)

Mountain and I only just got around to composing an email for friends announcing our un-gagement, only two months after the fact. This is how busy we've been! Still, I think it's fantastic that, not only do we still want to be together, but we're happier than ever, despite the stress and strain of packing and moving and not having enough time to do everything.

I'm meeting Nice Guy for lunch tomorrow, giving him back his keys (not much point having them if I'm going to be on a different continent, after all!), and exchanging a couple of other odds and ends, plus making our goodbyes. Not as much time as I'd hoped, but as always we've left things to the last minute and underestimated the time they needed.

Cancelled our plans to go out to the cinema tonight for some much needed us-time. We've been too fraught to do anything other than come home and go straight to sleep the last few days, get up, go to work, go out til late, then repeat. I can't wait til all the packing is over and we're on the plane heading away from all of this!

Seeing Duchess tomorrow night, too, and at least managed a quick catch up with Miss Sunshine on the phone yesterday. I'll miss everyone back here, but I'm already looking forward to catching up and sharing stories when we get back.

Hooray for optimism!

Red
x

Snapshot of happiness, in amongst boxes.

Waking up with cuddles, helping each other through, talking about the things, places, and people we'd like to explore, making plans to achieve it and getting out there and doing it. This is what I want my life to be.

The flat is a tip as we're mid-packing to leave the continent for three months and everything is going into storage. I'm doing the bulk of that right now, as my work is the more flexible. I don't mind, Mountain does plenty when he can. Kitten has been a sweetie and not complained about the mess.

We're a week into the New Year already. My year of Me is essentially over, and Mountain asked me just after the turn of the year if I would 'accept him as my primary partner'. We have rather defaulted into that state anyway, since I broke up with NG, but I think it was particularly good that he asked and didn't assume. We talked some about what that meant to each of us, and I said it was a thing I would want to re-check often, possibly on a daily basis, which he is happy with. I recalled a thing he had said a while back which I thought was beautiful, and the only realistic committment vow possible: "I love you today. I'll love you tomorrow, and I hope I can say the same then."

I also saw Tallboy at the weekend. Hard to believe how many months have flown by, while I've gone from one life-crisis to another, with jobs and housing, and constant battles with NG's insecurity I feel like I've almost missed the year passing entirely. I wish I'd had more time to spend with him - I would have liked to stay the night, but we were double booked and he was leaving at silly in the morning. If I can afford it, I will have to go out and visit after Canada. (My life has become defined as B.C. and A.C. - Before Canada and After Canada)
Seeing Duchess and NG one last time each before we go to France, both very much squeezed in, and we'll be having a leaving party in the three days between France and Canada. I wish there was more time to scoot round and visit people. I have a feeling I'm not going to get chance to see Miss Sunshine before I go, and it's been months since we had any cuddle time. At least I got to see her and Gamer briefly before Christmas. At least I have one love right here with me. I'm just looking forward to getting the packing over and done with, and getting out there and reaping what we've sown already.

I love you today, I'll love you tomorrow, and I hope I can say the same then.

Pasta related almost proposals...

Mountain threatened to take back his 'antiposal' last night (when he asked me to Not marry him) - apparently he has sworn for years that if he meets a woman who makes better lasagna than his mother, he'll marry her... and last night's dish was on the border of that. That's a little eep - it's perhaps a good job we're leaving the country and won't have access to a kitchen for a few months!