Scary and Unexpected Decision

Mountain and I are back from Canada, after a row that saw us both end up in scary emotional places on our very last night there.

As things stand, we're not a couple right now, but we're going to keep supporting each other and spending time together, at least for a while, and see how things go. 

As a result of this I've done some serious soul searching and made a decision that's likely to surprise a lot of people: I'm going to be celibate for a month or two.

Why?

I'm breaking the pattern. I've always had a high sex drive, ever since I first discovered it, but over the last few years I have found myself in a similar pattern with a lot of partners, primary and otherwise of *needing* sex, rather than just wanting it, and putting the relationship under strain, which then becomes a vicious cycle as I tend to use sex as my main outlet for stress. No longer. The last couple of days have really brought it home to me how unhealthy that is, and I want to put a stop to it.

I suspect I'm always going to have a high sex drive, and I'll always love sex, but the last thing I want is to be bullying, blackmailing or begging my partners into sharing something that ought to be a joy and freely given.

So drastic measures. No sex for me for a while. I'm still going to be spending a lot of time with Mountain, and even though we're still both quite fragile, I think he'll be a big help, but it is quite a step into the unknown. Wish me luck guys! 

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