Ups and Downs

So another week mostly gone. I'm on my way back to the Goldfish Bowl tomorrow, for Nice Guy's last week there. Looking forward to relaxing for a week having been overdoing it for a while now. Then he's moving to the City and will be living pretty much around the corner - fantastic in that we'll probably be saving a fortune in phone bills and travel. Perhaps not quite so good in terms of either of us getting anything done!

The weekend with Mountain was... well, mountainous - the weekend started on a bit of a low as we struggled to get out of the City, then got lost on the way to where we going, finally negotiating flooded roads to get to the swing club we were aiming at after midnight, and then realising we needed to go to a cashpoint before we could get in. Things started improving then, and we played some in the club which was enjoyable. Didn't involve anyone else - I tend to want to know people better before I play, and I gather so does he - but it was a pleasantly naughty feeling knowing that other people could watch.

Daytime on Saturday was very nice. We lay around in bed being decadent and eating unhealthy things (and falafel for breakfast, of all things...), and fruit salads, and generally relaxing. Things were feeling nice and airy, and we were looking forward to the costume party in the evening. Then a text arrives from his ex-girlfriend, Princess, to say she is going to be at the club, thus starting a long slow slide into misery. The least said about the rest of it the better, I think, except to say that the play we had both been looking forward to ended up turning into comforting hugs instead. I still have an open mind about swing clubs, but perhaps next time I will try playing less far afield - if things go wrong then it isn't quite so depressing to slink off home!

Sunday headed back to the City just in time to have lunch with Mountain's housemate and some friends, then a quick collapse on his sofa before running to Victoria to meet my little brother. He generously bought me dinner (a first, I think!), and we had a good natter about our love lives. I have been 'out' as poly to my brother for as long as I knew the word, and possibly longer, since he was very much in on the goings on back when I was at school and juggling a boyfriend and girlfriend at the same time.

The last three days I have been working all hours, since an important development came up at work, but they still saw me having deep discussion with Nice Guy, receiving more bad news from Mountain about going on in his life, and having a long chat with my mother on the phone about life, the universe and everything (annoyingly whilst i was trying to talk to NG, but she's very hard to get off the phone at times, and it *was* lovely). I'm moving towards coming out to my mum about being poly. She already knows I am seeing more than one guy. In principle, she is encouraging it - after all, I'm still young and should be 'playing the field'. The bits about my being into girls and BDSM as well, I might leave for later though! I always figured I would tell my parents as and when things became relevant. As my work and my hobbies get closer together though, it's starting to look like it might be sooner rather than later!

In other news, my Gay Fiancee has announced his plan to move to the City in eighteen months or so time, which will be rather lovely. Though it means he'll be finding money tight for a while - maybe I'll get to turn the tables and treat him to meals and nights out at some point! Duchess is still happily coupled, and it is nice to see her happy. Cad is not quite so - he's single again, and having a bit of a low in general. I'm feeling a bit guilty that I can barely spare an hour to comiserate over coffee, but I'm over-committed as ever.

Hopefully I'll manage to recharge somewhat over the next week, and come back to the City energetic and raring to go again.
Enjoy yourselves!
x

So many people, so little time

Sunday morning, I'm just out of bed. I have been sleeping alone, in my studio for the past few months. Not because I'm not getting along with my partner -in fact we've been getting on rather better since I moved into my own room -we had been somewhat rowing over the temperature of the main bedroom over the winter, so I went for the simple solution and moved out into the warmest room of the house -mine.

I've been enjoying having separate beds. I'd insisted on having a room of my own, anyway, where I can work, make as much mess as I like, and simply be in my own territory. Not so that I can bring lovers in, as we agreed I wouldn't play with other people in this house. Although when we move away it will be ok to play in my studio, which is good, because I will hopefully have visits from various friends and lovers, and otherwise I would have nowhere to take them.

Before we moved in to this house together, I'd been living in one corner of his old rented room in a house shared with other people. That went on for a few months, and it made me so claustrophobic that I wanted to scream. Somehow I'd been nervous about actually using my own space as a bedroom though, wondering if it would be a sign of something wrong in our relationship. In actual fact though, I've found it rather romantic. I know we're only a room apart, but it takes me back a bit to when we first got together, and had to walk across town to see each other. Instead of sharing a bed out of necessity or habit, now when we do, it is because we *want* to be together, and that is lovely.

Yesterday with his parents was nice, I suppose. I'm a bit grudging about this, as while his parents are friendly, intelligent people, and ever so nice, it is a struggle to have a conversation with them simply because we have so little in common, so there tend to be a lot of awkward silences. I'm really not a great believer in seeing family just because they are related to you, but I put up with these days, because they don't happen very often, and because I know it makes my partner unhappy when he has to make excuses for me. We went out and did the tourist thing for a bit, and had lunch. All very traditional.

It might be a couple of days before I get a chance to post after today, I'm expecting to be quite busy. Tomorrow I'm seeing a friend of mine, who I was talking to last week online about being frustrated at work - I said "drive here and come and play with me" and he said his car was being fixed at the time, but he'd come and see me when it was. Caught me a little by surprise that he actually stuck by the decision, as I was partly joking, but I am flattered that I am worth the effort to visit.

I'm a little unsure about whether I actually want to see him. Not because I don't enjoy it, Cad is a fascinating individual, and to be honest the thought of seeing him at the moment makes me very slightly weak at the knees. On the other hand, there are all too many reasons why the thought of seeing him in person, rather than just flirting online makes me feel rather guilty. The main one is that actually there are only a few weeks left until we move, I really ought to be sorting out my possessions and my finances ready for the move, and monday was otherwise my only free day this week.

I will admit, I'm also particularly unsure about Cad in general, because he has a long term girlfriend, who is apparently unaware of his extra-curricular activities. I'm aware he's very much in love with her, or at least thinks he is, and apparently they have a fantastic sex life, but he wants to explore a different kind of dynamic with me (in terms of D/s, which perhaps I will go into later).
It is very tempting, and I am wavering at the moment between thinking that I am doing no harm to his girlfriend by allowing the experimentation, and fretting that this is very much against my ethics simply in that not everyone involved in this situation has given full, informed consent.
I have been trying to encourage him to talk it out with her, to actually find out whether she would go for a more open relationship, rather than simply assuming she won't, but it is hard from my end, not having met the girl. He says she would never go for it, and yet intends to stay with her, and change his behaviour 'later'.
At the moment I am thinking the compromise might be to play with the dynamic, but keep actual contact minimal - it might be 'emotional cheating' on his part, but it won't outright break the rules of their relationship, and I'd feel a lot better about that.

On the other hand, I am looking forward to seeing another friend on Tuesday immensely. As long as the weather is good, the plan is to drive into the hills and go walking, and I get to show him 'my' countryside (he showed me his a few months back!), and have a whole day together in lovely surroundings. Hopefully it will be a lovely memory to take with me when I move away, rather than the last few months of emotional ups and downs, random moments squeezed in between other commitments, and generally things being all too complicated.

Anyway, I ought to get on, get dressed, and make myself useful around the house. So much to do, and so little time - exactly how I like my life to be!

x